The Process of Selling Out

From Raging Against the Machine, to Working for the Man.

Another Stint in Unemployment

In November of 2012, once again, I was laid off. This layoff came after I watched over half of the company’s workforce get let go.

In 2011 the fracking industry had a booming year. This boom gave way to companies ramping up workforce, expecting 2012 to be the same. Unfortunately, 2012 was not.

It was November of 2012.  I showed up on a Friday morning, they let me go.  I called my wife to tell her, she almost acted as though I screwed up and lost the job.  After talking for a bit, she understood that it wasn’t just me, it was most of the workforce.

I had one thing to look forward to, I get to stay home with my baby girl.

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

—Walt Disney

Going Downhill Fast

At first, with the arrival of the new Customer Service Manager, things were going great.  She would come to me and ask questions and really make me feel involved.  I was the bosses right hand man.  And I enjoyed this.  I felt as though things were really looking up for me and one day I would have a higher position with the company.  I was being molded for something bigger and better.

Then, somewhere along the way, things changed.  She stopped giving me work, she stopped coming to me for answers to her questions.  She stopped inviting me to meetings.  She had me start writing procedures for my position.  She started to ignore me, like she was too busy.  Other higher ups started to ignore me too.  The VP of the company would always come talk to me when he was in town.  The VP of Sales would always ask how I was and what was happening with orders, etc.  Even my first boss, the Sales Manager, would call me into his office daily to discuss the business.  Then all at once they stopped.

Then the new Customer Service Manager hired a new Customer Service Technician.  A female (not that that is a negative).  Her friend from a previous job.  My replacement.  This is why my manager had me start creating standard procedures for my position.

The road uphill and the road downhill are one and the same.

—Heraclitus of Ephesus

Going Up

It seemed as though I was on a rocket to the top.  I was being praised by everyone at work.  From coworkers on up to the Vice President of Sales.  I felt like this was it, that I finally found something that I was good at, something that I could actually excel at.  It was finally time for me to possibly become the bread winner for my family.  I was gaining confidence in the business world.  This was my chance.

But something went wrong.

And all this science, I don’t understand, It’s just my job five days a week. A rocket man, a rocket man.

—Elton John - Rocket Man

The New Postion

The longer I worked for the Manufacturing company, the more I learned about the industry and fracking.  The more I learned about fracking and the horrible things that it was doing to communities and the environment, the more I hated myself for working there.

Don’t get me wrong, the pay was awesome, and I met a whole lot of people.  But as time went on, this began to weigh heavier and heavier on me.

And all this time, I was on my way up with the company.  I was asked by my bosses if I was interested in going to the Rising Star program, a program designed for the future leaders of the company.  I was constantly being told that I had a bright future with this company.  I was told that I came into this position at the perfect time.

Things were going great, besides my inner conflict, until they brought a new manager in.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

—Leo Tolstoy

My Baby Girl

On October 15, 2011, my baby girl, Harper Sophia, entered this world. My heart melts when I think about how much my life has changed with her. Oh, how much my view on life has changed. When she was born everything seemed possible.

She has the whole world in front of her. Unlike me now, I just have to do what I have to do to give her the best possible life. It doesn’t matter if I have a job that I love or makes me happy. All that matters is that she had a better life than I had. I want her to have the focus that my life never had. She will probably hate me, at first, for pushing her so hard, but she will thank me in the future.

She deserves the world. And I want to give the world, the stars, the moon, to her.

Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.

—Roald Dahl